Post by Brynn Doyle on Jul 26, 2008 1:40:38 GMT -5
Death, what an emotional topic. It was an end for some, but for those with faith it was a new beginning. For Brynn, it was an end. How she wished at this moment that she didn't exist. She felt her fate should have been the same as that of her closest friend's. She felt guilty being alive. Crazy you may say, but not to Brynn.
She lay curled in her bed, tangled in warm blankets, with her head buried in a pillow. It was hard for Brynn to keep the tears at bay. She drew in a sharp breath and pushed the pillow hard against her face. This had been the first time Daniel had crossed her mind since the funeral. The guilt was so overwhelming. Why should she be alive when he, as a person, was so much better than herself.
Brynn's pulse quickened, and her limbs began shaking. She let out and elongated sigh that quivered as it escaped from her chapped lips. Not now, it just wasn't the right time. She should be happy. Why couldn't she be happy? For some reason she was lacking in that area.
Throwing the comforter from her body, Brynn sat bolt upright and a few moments later found herself slipping a hoodie over her head. She refrained from opening the door to hard, her room mates were heavy sleepers, but not heavy enough to sleep through a door tearing off it's hinges and leaving a giant hole in the wall. She made her way quietly through the apartment to the front door, stepping on a chew toy during have venture.
"I shouldn't feel guilty, I deserve to be alive. I shouldn't feel guilty, I deserve to be alive. I shouldn't feel guilty, I deserve to be alive." she said under her breath a few times before switching to, "I'm not a liar, I just didn't want to go. I'm not a liar, I just didn't want to go. I'm not a liar, I just didn't want to go." she hoped desperately that this mumbo jumbo she had seen on some psychology show would truly work. She doubted it, but kept assuring herself it was going to. "I'm not a liar," she said pausing, "I'm, I'm not a liar." her words slurring as tears cascaded down her cheeks. She wiped them away, only to have them replaced immediatly. Each breath she took now was deep and painful, but she kept walking.
When Brynn had cried all that she was able, she whipped the remaining water from her eyes, although, the red puffiness lingered. She was still extremely shakey. She tried her hardest to regain control of her body. It worked partially. A few feet away, she spotted an unoccupied bench making her way to it as fast as her legs would carry her. She sat down with no hesitation.
Brynn finally caught her breath, and for this she was thankful. The contestant heavy breathing had made her chest hurt. She placed a finger on each temple and rubbed them gently. What a night. She thought to herself, she hadn't cried like that in nearly a year. She sure didn't miss it one bit.
From where she sat, Brynn could see local movie theater, buzzing with life. A movie might be just what I need. Brynn told herself contemplating the pros and cons. After several minutes of consideration she stood from the bench and procceeded towards the theater.
Brynn felt as though she had arrived in no time at all. Small problem, she had no idea what she was going to see, or what was even playing for that matter. Bigger problem, she wasn't sure if she enough money, any money.
Great, she sighed to herself. Well, I guess this is better than being alone. At least watching all of these paretns chasing around their youngsters might keep me mildly entertained.
She lay curled in her bed, tangled in warm blankets, with her head buried in a pillow. It was hard for Brynn to keep the tears at bay. She drew in a sharp breath and pushed the pillow hard against her face. This had been the first time Daniel had crossed her mind since the funeral. The guilt was so overwhelming. Why should she be alive when he, as a person, was so much better than herself.
Brynn's pulse quickened, and her limbs began shaking. She let out and elongated sigh that quivered as it escaped from her chapped lips. Not now, it just wasn't the right time. She should be happy. Why couldn't she be happy? For some reason she was lacking in that area.
Throwing the comforter from her body, Brynn sat bolt upright and a few moments later found herself slipping a hoodie over her head. She refrained from opening the door to hard, her room mates were heavy sleepers, but not heavy enough to sleep through a door tearing off it's hinges and leaving a giant hole in the wall. She made her way quietly through the apartment to the front door, stepping on a chew toy during have venture.
"I shouldn't feel guilty, I deserve to be alive. I shouldn't feel guilty, I deserve to be alive. I shouldn't feel guilty, I deserve to be alive." she said under her breath a few times before switching to, "I'm not a liar, I just didn't want to go. I'm not a liar, I just didn't want to go. I'm not a liar, I just didn't want to go." she hoped desperately that this mumbo jumbo she had seen on some psychology show would truly work. She doubted it, but kept assuring herself it was going to. "I'm not a liar," she said pausing, "I'm, I'm not a liar." her words slurring as tears cascaded down her cheeks. She wiped them away, only to have them replaced immediatly. Each breath she took now was deep and painful, but she kept walking.
When Brynn had cried all that she was able, she whipped the remaining water from her eyes, although, the red puffiness lingered. She was still extremely shakey. She tried her hardest to regain control of her body. It worked partially. A few feet away, she spotted an unoccupied bench making her way to it as fast as her legs would carry her. She sat down with no hesitation.
Brynn finally caught her breath, and for this she was thankful. The contestant heavy breathing had made her chest hurt. She placed a finger on each temple and rubbed them gently. What a night. She thought to herself, she hadn't cried like that in nearly a year. She sure didn't miss it one bit.
From where she sat, Brynn could see local movie theater, buzzing with life. A movie might be just what I need. Brynn told herself contemplating the pros and cons. After several minutes of consideration she stood from the bench and procceeded towards the theater.
Brynn felt as though she had arrived in no time at all. Small problem, she had no idea what she was going to see, or what was even playing for that matter. Bigger problem, she wasn't sure if she enough money, any money.
Great, she sighed to herself. Well, I guess this is better than being alone. At least watching all of these paretns chasing around their youngsters might keep me mildly entertained.